It’s funny that when we discover our own pain we typically go all “ostrich” by burying our head in the sand and ignore or avoid the pain at all costs, but for whatever reason when the media or others point out “our pain” we listen and get a sense of urgency to fix it by advised methods. Maybe we feel this urge to fix it, because we don’t like others pointing out what’s wrong or perhaps we think it’s something we missed. The odd thing though is that shouldn’t we notice/feel the pain or what’s wrong before others since we experience it first hand? Is the pain that others point out only real because it becomes invented for us?
There have been times when coworkers have described me as being as “cool as a cucumber” during moments when others normally would be “freaking out.” People tend to find it hard to imagine me in any sort of aggressive state since I tend to be so calm even in hectic situations. For a while it puzzled me as to why I should be “freaking out,” but I realized that my pains are different than other people’s pain and that it’s actually harmful to me to think that I “should” be freaking out. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t feel pain in certain situations until others started pointing out that pain and how I “should” be feeling. It started getting me to question, “Is it healthy or normal for me to not be bothered by this?” I guess the answer to that is best answered by your therapist, but if you want an answer to that by your blogger friend, well I think it is normal and totally healthy to not have the same “pain” as others.
It even goes the other way. There have been times where something has pained me and bothered me and I have asked whether I’m supposed to be feeling or whether I should be feeling bad about certain situations. Well, the fact is that I AM feeling bad. It doesn’t matter whether or not I “should” be, the fact is that I am. If someone were to tell me that I “shouldn’t” feel bad, well honestly that doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m guessing you’ve heard that one before, and typically that makes you feel worse because you might think, “What’s wrong with me? I’m not supposed to feel this way but I do. There must be something wrong. What am I supposed to be thinking? Am I thinking the wrong way at everything?” … It can become a very dangerous pattern.
People have different life experiences than others and so there will be different outlooks. Think about how many different kinds of books, TV shows, movies, clothes, and even sports are in this world! They are out there because there are so many different personalities to target.
It’s interesting though that when people see pleasure people tend to think, “cool.” But if there is pain TO pleasure people tend to think, “what? I got to get that! I need to get there!” And I’m suggesting caution to this. When you seek out pleasure from pain that OTHERS point out you might not put your 100% in and when it doesn’t work out then well it’s someone else’s fault. When you face your own pain to get to pleasure the kind that you know to be true that others haven’t pointed out well typically you are all in. There is no scapegoat or pointing fingers as to why something didn’t work out.
What I’m trying to say is to use YOUR pain (not what others point out to you) to guide you to what you find pleasurable. You should be controlling that pain because if you let others control it well then they can always move it or change it on you. You need to be involved in your life 100% in the bad and the good in the ugly and in the pretty. Take ownership of our life, take control even when it comes to pain or pleasure for that fact. Don’t run from pain, don’t hide it; face it, figure out what you want or where you want to be, and go after it.
In case this isn’t obvious though, my intentions are for healthy goals and choices. If you suspect yours are unhealthy it is best to speak with a professional.
XO Namaste XO